You Can’t Tell Me He Won’t

I am determined to be the woman that believes God for what doesn’t make sense. The impossible. The outlandish. The wild. The crazy. Even the foolish. If He says it’ll happen I want to stand on that word with everything I have and truly believe it. I used to be her. Many years ago I stood in the face of what looked impossible. I needed saving very badly, but help wasn’t coming. I needed escape but there were no exits. But God told me He would make a way. That He would rescue me. And despite the fact that I couldn’t see it, I believed it. He asked me to do things everyone around me said was wrong, stupid even. I did it anyway. And I looked crazy. I faced that danger head on knowing my God would show up for me every time. Even when I had no support and I had to stand alone. I stood. I didn’t care what it looked like. I didn’t care if I seemed insane. I was going to believe God. And I did. And He followed through with even greater promises ahead.

A lot of life happened in between that girl and the woman I am now. A lot of hurt happened and a lot of fears were created. Life got really, really, really hard. Somewhere in that sea of pain I forgot God had my back and I started doing things on my own. It happened slowly. Little bits of the promises broke away from my mind as I walked on. I tired to keep faith but on the journey to believe what God said, things went so far the other way I thought He’d abandoned me. I’ll be honest. I really figured that if He let such bad things happen, that surely He had lost hope in me and decided to change His mind about what He had promised. Surely He turned His back on what He said. Maybe I wasn’t worth it anymore. Or maybe I was wrong in what I thought He said. I lost a lot of hope. And I lost a lot of faith. I could believe Him for the small things. Those were easy miracles and there was no real risk there. But I’d lost my ability, my will, to believe Him for the extravagant. Not His fault, it was mine. I got scared and I sort of just stayed there. And for a time I got really mad at God. Like He was cruel for not following through, for dangling such wonders in front of me just to give up on them. I was hurting and stopped letting Him help me much anymore. I had hope, but only some. I was happy to settle for better than what I had because it seemed the promise was unobtainable or I guess lost. And at least it was better. It felt safe so better was good enough and I had control.

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That wasn’t sitting well with God apparently because He started shaking my life up a lot. He’s pushed me into new healing. New freedoms. And brand new perspectives. I may have forgotten what He said, but He did not. And after all this new stuff happened, He reminded me of the old. Where I came from, what He said, what I learned, and the good parts of who I was. The girl who believed for the impossible. It was time for me to become the woman who believed for what didn’t make sense. And stand like I had before but with my new lenses, my new wisdom, and my new armor. That wasn’t an easy process. At all. And I’m still figuring out how some of these pieces are supposed to fit together. But I’m learning a lot of the questions I have now, were answered a long time ago. It’s only now I’m understanding that God already gave me His plans and promises. I had just forgotten as I worked to survive and left them behind. He didn’t leave me, I left Him. At least in part. He didn’t forget, I did. And I was settling for what was in my control. Isn’t it amazing what we’ll do to feel safe? Looking back on it, it sounds dumb. Why on earth would I give up on such amazing promises for good enough? But the need for security is powerful and sometimes we mistake risk as a bad thing. And other times we perceive complacency as safe. I was neither safe nor in danger of anything other than a mediocre, lonely life void of the abundance God was just waiting to pour out. God wasn’t having that. He stood me to attention and made me look at it.

So here I am now and I remember clearly what my God said to me. I remember the promises. I was so graciously reminded just how faithful God is to His word. (In other words God humbled my little self. Wooo does it suck when God checks you. But man, its also good stuff. I need a good rebuke now and then. I’m not too proud to admit it lol) I had a choice to make. One I will probably have to make daily. Do I stay in better because its “safe” and comfortable? Or do I believe God and get some crazy faith? Crazy faith is going to require me to be bold in the face of impossible. When everything in my life looks like it can’t happen..... when people around me tell me to give up.... when I can’t see a way for God to follow through..... if it takes longer than I expected.... I have to believe anyway. It’s going to require me to stand in reckless faith. Even if I look stupid. Even if I’m terrified. Even if its hard. Even if I stand alone. Crazy, unrelenting, irrational faith that God will follow through. No matter what. It’s not going to be an easy thing, like, at all. If I truly want that blessing, its going to be hard earned. On the other hand ‘better than’ is safer. And at least its better... so I guess the real question became what do I want more; better or blessing?

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Now.....I’m not one to stand down in the face of a challenge. Though the last couple years took a lot of fight out of me, it didn’t take my fire. And it didn’t change my God. I’ll be real and tell you that I’m scared as all get out. Oh. My. Goodness. Terrified is an understatement. But, better isn’t good enough for me when God promises so much more. So, I’m choosing crazy faith again. I’m choosing to believe what God said. And I know it’s in me to do it. Not only have I seen God move in my own life, but I’ve seen Him move in others. If He did for me once, He’ll do it again. And if He did it for them, He’ll do it for me too. I may have lost hope there for a while, but its back. And its stronger than ever. You cant tell me my God wont do it. You just can’t. I refuse to settle for better when I can have the blessing. God said so. I’m determined to chase that promise with everything in me. To stomp on the head of the enemy if he tries to get in my way. And to stand in faith unrelentingly. I was made to be a woman of faith. I was made to fight this fight. I will walk bravely into battle with my promises written on my armor. I’ll cry if I have to. I’ll pray unceasingly. Ill face whatever is in me that has to go and get out of my own way. Fear wont stop me from believing when I know the faithfulness of God! Obstacles aren’t problems for Him. There’s nothing too big or too hard. So, I’ll fight with a smile on my face until I see the victory God promised. Because He said I can have it. So it WILL be. I was made to show the glory of what God can do. I will get the blessing. And He will get the glory.

Ephesians 3:20 says “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more then all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,” (niv) IMMEASURABLY MORE. Did you read that? Immeasurably more than I can even imagine. I happen to have a pretty vivid and wild imagination y’all! So thats a lot! But it all rests on hope. In order for me to dream and imagine what that blessing might look like, I have to first hope for it. I hope, then I dream. I ask, and then I believe. And if God is the one designing the hopes and dreams, baby, it can’t be stopped. His will always comes to pass. Read your bible. What He says will happen, happens every single time. I just have to believe. I have to be bold and relentless in the pursuit of what God promises. Unabashed faith. Crazy faith. Wild faith. Unhinged faith. Audacious faith. I can do that. And my God will give me what He promised me. I can stand in that faith not because I’m strong enough. Not because I’m worthy. Not because I have the power to make it happen. But because of who He is. He keeps His word. Ive seen Him do it. And I’ll see Him do it again.

So thus begins a new journey of renewed and crazy faith. And I’m sure it’ll be a wild ride. I’m sure there will be times its hard and I might toil with giving up. I’m sure I’ll spend many nights crying out to God for help and strength. Some days I imagine I’ll be bubbling over with faith and other days it might be smaller. But I will walk through it. I will see the promise land because I believe what God said. I believe in who He is and what He can do. Nothing is impossible for God. And no man on earth can stop His will. I believe it. And when He does come through, when I do come to that land of milk and honey, because I will.... I’ll shout His praise for all to see. I’ll scream the name of Jesus and proclaim all of His goodness and power. I will make sure others around me know the testimony of what God did for me. I will not be quiet about it. And I will never stop thanking Him.

Deuteronomy 32:4 He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.

You can’t tell me He wont do it. You just can’t.