Who's Got The Map?

What happens when you walk out of the wilderness and head into the promise land?

Some months ago I wrote about finding myself in a wilderness. The dry land all around me seemed endless, lonely, and nothing short of barren. It left me feeling frustrated, defeated, and angry at God for leaving me in what seemed to be a devastating walk. But there came a time in that season I saw this desolate place as comforting. I got used to the space around me with endless voids and trials. I got used to that particular type of war. It was safe there and I became accustomed to the way God fought for me in that place. I learned to lean on God for provision, comfort, and strength to keep walking. He would speak sweet promises of what was to come that seemed to energize my weary spirit as I trudged on. The pain of the season became familiar and safe as the months passed. It seems strange to call turmoil your friend, but what a friend it was indeed. I learned a lot about myself, my God, and just how much I truly needed him in my small little world. And though I was faint throughout most of that journey, I am forever grateful for what that time brought into my life. It pushed me into a place of submission and dependence on Him that I wouldn’t have allowed without being stripped of my comforts. What seemed cruel to me at the time, in retrospect I understand as a blessing now. (Lord forgive me for all my complaining, you really do work all things for my good.)

 In November I felt the shift out of that season. It burned on my heart that I had come into something new. The season of dry land was coming to an end and I could see small streams of water leading into a new place of saturation. It’s been a few months of following those small trickles of water and the promises of God lye ahead of me just out of reach. I can smell the wet earth promising fruit, I can hear the roar of the life giving ocean, but I can only see the tips of the waves as they peak above the horizon. I didn’t know that the space between the wilderness and the promise would be the most trying. And yet I find myself struggling almost more so now. It’s the most uncomfortable thing to look at what is meant for me and not be able to grab ahold of it. I am learning faith in a new way and leaning on God differently as I am walking. This space is unknown, unfamiliar, and the terrain changes so often I must watch my step with diligence. 

“God gives us promises in our present to help us see what He sees. Prophecy is to help us partner with God for a future that He already has in His heart for us, which brings us faith so that heavens reality can be our reality.”  I can’t remember who said this, but I can remember the impact it made on my life. How often we confuse the two and don’t understand why our natural world isn’t lining up with what we know God has spoken. Just like most people I have my moments of struggle with patience. Sometimes the journeys God leads us on seem so long and when God tells me I can, or will, have something, I want it now. But what I find to be most amazing about these moments is Gods willingness to partner with me in those places and how He uses them to help me grow. I fully believe that when God speaks, we have the power and authority to pull that promise into our present. But what happens when we have to wait on the Lord? When His timing is outside of our ability to in fact be patient? When our promise land is in sight, but unreachable?

In my experience that’s the place that faith grows and manifests its self most in our lives. But how do we walk that out without finding ourselves discouraged and struggling? I don’t know about you, but that’s a hard place for me. On one hand I want to be patient enough to wait on Gods timing. He knows better than I do after all. I want to walk at his pace and not run ahead into danger. On the other I find myself frustrated that what I was told is mine can’t be here now. It’s a gray area, and if you know me, you know I detest gray areas. Sometimes I think God gets a good chuckle out of putting me in them and gray washing my world. But, inevitably, these are for my own good and I know that. Walking in them however, is another story.  

Hebrews 11:1 describes faith as “confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (NIV). So, by that definition, and the word I shared, God speaking these things should be enough. So why do we struggle so much in this place? The only conclusion I can come to is a lack of trust with our hearts in our relationship with Him. I believe all of our faith comes from this. If we know God, and I mean really know Him, we come to a place of relationship that cultivates trust. No relationship is solid without it. The more we allow ourselves time to get to know Him as a person, talk to Him, spend time with Him, read His word, the more we trust Him. The more we can let go of control and allow Him to set our pace. The more we can let Him be the safe place where our hearts can rest. Once we have a solid understanding of who He is, we are freer to allow His timing and stay still in our waiting.  

So why is it so hard to hold on to that trust? We can see large manifestations of His presence, miracles beyond our understanding, moves in our lives we know can only be God. And yet, when the fire gets going in our lives, when our worlds are nothing but shades of gray, we turn to ash and fall to our faces in fear. Why do we so easily forget who He is and what He is capable of?  

I think the answer is found in our basic humanness. We get hurt by people around us. Sometimes in the grandest of ways. Walls go up around our hearts that make us feel in control. Defense mechanisms are formed to protect ourselves from the gnarring teeth of the ones who may break us. And let’s be honest, we’re all well aware of our own shortcomings. But the biggest realization we can have as humans is to take God out of that box. To realize that He isn’t like us. We may have been formed in His image, but He is far from human. So much so that its outside of most of our understanding. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (NIV) We must get it into our hearts that this God of ours does in fact work to bring good into our lives. That everything He does is to benefit us and give us the life that He wants for us. We have to get out of our own minds and get into His. And we can do this, not only through our relationship with Him, but by remembering what He has already done for us. We have to find ways to remind ourselves what He said and what He did.  

All throughout the bible they speak of alters built to the Lord. And when anyone passed by them, they would remember what God did; how He delivered them, freed them, showed up for them. I myself keep a notebook of words, dreams, experiences, and deliverances the Lord has brought to me. And when I find myself weary, and my faith weak, I can go to that book and remember. It helps to remind myself that my walls aren’t necessary. That I can in fact be vulnerable enough to trust God at His word and be patient. It helps me to build and alter in my heart for Him. And as I walk the path He lays before me I can stop from time to time and reflect on just how far I've come with Him. 

No one is going to be perfect at waiting. It's a place most of us are uncomfortable and let's be honest, frustrated. So, I encourage you to show yourself some grace and not be too hard on yourself in the moments of struggle. (Speaking to myself here too). We’re only human, and the pain this life can cause sometimes veils us from seeing the bigger picture. But if we are willing to stay in relationship with God, keep our eyes heavenward, and establish our alters to the Lord, we might just be able to grow into a new and beautiful place of faith that will indeed carry us into the promises the Lord has spoken into our lives. I don’t know what all of this season will look like. I don’t know how long I’ll have to walk until I reach the promise land meant for me. But I do know I'll get there. My feet will reach the edge of the ocean that is so beautifully raging ahead. I will taste the fruit He has prepared for me. And I am determined to learn as much as I can as I follow the course God has set out. This place may not be my favorite, I may even complain some as I go, (thank God for grace). but I know my faith will grow into an immovable force as I partner with God. I know its preparation for what He has and what He wants of and for me. And that makes it all worth it. Growing with God isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. So, I walk on. Some steps are unsure, and others are made with confidence. But if my season of wilderness taught me anything it’s that I never walk alone. And that I can lean into God for anything I may need in my journey. I may not be looking at the map, but God is an amazing navigator. Promise land, here I come.