Trust Feels Like A Cuss Word

Gaining freedom in God is a stunning thing. This weight comes off your shoulders and you literally feel lighter. Breathing is easier. Seeing is clearer. Hearing is louder. The world around you is suddenly more beautiful than ever. It's almost intoxicating.

But there's something about walking away from the old path that is uncomfortable and sometimes scary. When God renews a place in us we have to change. We have to learn new ways to cope, new ways to deal with our life. Our old defense mechanisms don't work anymore. Old walls are now restrictive and suffocating. Our old thought processes don't serve us, don't fit us, and don't make sense. We're new, but there's still work to be done to live and walk out this new freedom inside. 

I've had my share of deliverance ministry and every time I leave the office, I feel amazing. The sky seems to be a new shade of blue I've never seen before and the birds chirping around me have an extra happy tone. Life appears to be all sunshine and rainbows. But within a short time that high calms down. Suddenly I'm brought back down to earth and boy do I hit the ground hard. The reality is that we may be free, but we must learn to walk in that freedom. Getting the lies broken off is the easy part. Jesus does all the hard work because of the cross. We just have to believe it and be willing to accept it. Which, don't get me wrong, can be challenging. But Jesus really does do the difficult stuff so our job is supposed to be easy right? However, each step away from the old self can feel more arduous and heavy. Everything in life takes on a new hue of color, but the old skin has to be removed from our eyes if we are going to see those beautiful colors as were supposed to. In three separate places the bible talks about not pouring new wine into old wine skins. The new wine must be put into new wine skins so they don't burst and break. (See Luke 5:37, Mark 2:22, and Matthew 9:17) In these passages were being told that what God wants to give us in our new freedom must be poured into a renewed mind, heart, and spirit. Otherwise it’ll break us. We won't be able to carry it. We must be willing to put in the work to change so we can hold on to the newness of what Jesus provides for us. All of this though, is about trust. Thankfully Jesus helps us in that place too. Isn't it a wonderful thing to know we are never alone in any part of this transformation process? 

Proverbs 3:5,6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” 

That's a tall order for us humans. We have a tendency to want to keep control and make our own paths. It's hard for us to trust in anything but ourselves in such a fallen world. We cling to the idea that we can maintain a place of balance and that only by our hand will we succeed. But as believers were called to trust in the Lord. Were asked to believe that He will sustain us, help us, save us, and deliver us in times of trouble. We’re to place our lives in our Gods hands and believe that He is trustworthy. So why do we struggle so much with this? 

I think a lot of why we struggle is from experiences we have with others. This world can be so cruel and people hurt us. So often we end up in a place of callus and resentment. People are usually the catalyst of the wounds and it leads us to mistrust of those around us and of our own hearts. They spew their pain all over us so we end up bruised, bleeding, and broken by the hands of others. So, when God says trust me, that can be terrifying. Especially when we've only known hurt and disappointment when putting trust in others. If those we love the most hurt us so deeply how are we supposed to trust in a God we cannot see? 

Trusting God was hard for me. In my mind God was a man, and men had proven to be creatures I couldn't rely on and most definitely could not trust. It's something I had to work at and work through a lot of the time. I still find places I'm scared to trust Him with. When God came back into my life and told me He was trustworthy my first response was, “prove it.” Every wall I had put around my heart stood at attention and started the process of protecting and guarding. My natural desire was to run, barricade my heart, and self-sustain instead. It wasn't an easy thing to get those walls down. Some of them had to be taken down brick by brick. Others God crashed through like a bulldozer. Trusting Him however, became something I learned was not only possible, it was imperative. Though, if I was going to learn how to be this new woman in Christ, I needed some training in trust. 

I realized very quickly that trust was going to take a few things. First of all, I needed to know God. I needed a deeper relationship with Him so that when He told me things would work out, I would know His heart towards me and His love. Knowing Him meant prayer, getting into my bible, and spending time with Him. The more I got to know God, the more I could let my guard down, let my walls down, and let Him be there for me. Getting to know Him led to a place where I could finally surrender. I let go of what I thought things should look like. Set aside my expectations and wants, and let Him make the game plan. My plans didn’t really work out all that well anyway. In getting to know God better I finally allowed Him to take the reins and surrendered a new part of myself to Him. That's when things started to change and trust got less scary.

Surrender in our world today is almost a cuss word. We are creatures of our environment and learn early on to protect ourselves at all costs. That it's our own job to stand alone and make a way in the world. To surrender to anything or anyone isn't normally an option were willing to choose because we think we lose the control. We think we need to do all things in our strength, in our own will. That fits into a tiny box we tell ourselves is comfortable and cozy. Stepping outside of that feels chaotic. But what I've learned is surrender to God is really freedom. That box isn't cozy, its restricting and tight. There's no room to breathe in there and we very quickly lose hope. Surrender of our life is freedom to let go, lay down the burdens, and pick up the blessings instead. Fighting on our own terms, with our own weapons is exhausting and draining. And let’s be honest, we're not all that good at it. Surrendering that fight to God meant I could stay in my rest and be in peace no matter what battle I found myself in. 

There is another aspect to trust that I've found interesting with God. When I finally surrender and give Him control, He takes that seriously. He makes plans and expects me to follow His lead. When I spoke the words to Him that meant He could guide my life and I no longer wanted control. I'd pray and ask Him for guidance and He is always willing to hand that to me. But sometimes I get scared. Sometimes I want to pull back and trusting is hard. Well, that's when He does the crazy stuff. When I choose to not listen, God will make me very uncomfortable. He will allow me to come under pressure and almost literally back me into a corner. He will show me the two paths and give me the choice to follow Him, or go my own way. It will feel very suffocating there. I usually experience a lot of turmoil in that space because staying still isn't an option. I have to make a decision which way to go. Sometimes I'm far too stubborn and I stay still longer than I need to or than I should. And other times I catch on quickly and make a move. But either way I must do something. It often feels like a cliff moment. When standing on the cliff you have the choice of jumping into the unknown water where adventure awaits. Or you can back up and stay on dry land. But the thing about the dry land is nothing is new there. No changes, no adventure, and no growth. It may be familiar and comfortable, but its dry. The water however holds life. Things can grow there. Both choices will keep you safe with God, but only in the water will we find fruit. So, a choice must be made. Jump or stay the same. God will often leave us there on that cliff until we make a choice. He knows we can't stay the same so He will allow the pressure to build until we do something. He is a good and gentle God, so He won't force us to jump, He won’t shove us off. But he will give us the opportunity to trust Him, and He will give us a little push.

So, we need to trust God, we need to surrender, and we need to jump. But none of that is going to be effective without faith. Trusting in God is ultimately knowing He will come through for us. It's knowing He has our best interests at heart and that we’re safe. Faith in Him and the good works He wants to do for us is essential to walking out the freedom He hand delivers us. And boy do we find freedom in that faith. I love the description of faith in the Bible. Hebrews 11:1 says, ”Now faith is the confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” It’s telling us that we aren't going to get a clear view of what's coming. That we aren't going to have something we can tangibly grip on to, hold, or see. Faith is blind if you will. It’s a heart choice to trust that we will come to a positive outcome. It has nothing to do with reason or logic. It’s literally all heart and trust. See how they go hand in hand? Faith wouldn't be faith if we had all the answers. And trust wouldn't be trust without faith. I find that to be a profound and beautiful mystery. 

The amazing thing in all of this is that God doesn’t expect us to be good at this. He knows we’re going to struggle and fight our flesh. He knows we’ll make mistakes and have a hard time choosing the path He lays before us. He, in all His goodness, will give us routes back when we stray off of the right road. He will continually wash us when we get dirty. And He will always be willing to take our hands and show us where to go when we feel lost. We're never on our own in this. So, give yourself some grace when you find trust hard. Remember that it’s ok to struggle and it’s ok to fail. If and when it happens, just pick yourself back up, turn back to God, and try again! The most beautiful thing about our God is you never run out of chances. He is just that good to us!