Tethered To Jesus

I’m a daydreamer. It’s constant and vivid all the time. For most of my life I’ve avoided reality and lived in this fantasy world in my mind. Mostly because my reality was too harsh and painful. But also because reality seemed to dull. So I’d dream about everything. All too often I’d find myself lost in that and after a while my dreams bled into the realm of what I believed as truth. The daydreaming became the reality. And when the things I dreamt didn’t actually happen I’d find myself crushed, disappointed, and sad. The dreams cultivated expectations that were outlandish and extreme and sometimes irrational. But in my state of the fantasy being my reality, it would crush me that they didn’t really come to pass. I lived my whole life like this. False truths, inaccurate understanding, and wild fantasy leading me into brokenness and failed expectations. I literally broke my own heart.

As I grew to know the Lord better I had to learn to anchor myself in Him instead of what I’d dream up. I had to tie my ropes to His words so that I couldn’t float away in my head. Certain bible verses had to become mantras I’d cling to when I started to lose grip of reality. Particular worship songs had to play on repeat sometimes to remind me of what’s true. I had to let God ground me or I’d lose myself in my own mind. I’d lose my reality to dreams. I became much better at this over time. It took a lot of practice, but I eventually learned to let God create my expectations. I let Him tell me what areas to dream in and what places needed my full attention in reality. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that submission meant I was asking for His will over my own. Cool right?

Well, dreaming didn’t stop for me, it just took a back seat. But, sometimes I have moments where my head gets away from me. And suddenly a war breaks out. My heart wants what it wants, but my spirit knows the will of God is what I need. These moments slam me straight into a wall and suddenly I’m lost between worlds. So what happens when the will of God is in conflict with what we want? What happens when we’re too afraid to ask His will because we might get an answer we don’t like? That’s the issue of a daydreamer trying to follow Gods will. And let me tell you, it’s a very painful one.

I’m going to paint you a picture.....

So here I am with all these ideas of how things could go. My mind filled with beautiful dreams of how I want it all to look. Every detail has been mapped out and contemplated to perfection. It’s beautiful, romantic, extreme, and exciting. And now I’m addicted to the fantasy, what I want. Reality cannot compare to what I’ve decided should happen. I got carried away. I know it. And fear hits. I have to talk to God about this. I have to ask Him what it should be and not what I think. Because inevitably my heart is to seek His will above all else. But, I let myself float a little too high and now I need to find my way back down. Fear says, “Don’t ask. You might not like it. It might hurt. It might be the exact opposite of what you want. You’ll lose control. If you do this on your own I’m sure you can get what you want.”..... fear sucks.

So what do I do?

I sat with this question for a while. What advice could I give fellow dreamers to make this easier. To help them along the journey I’ve fought so hard to understand. Well my friends, there is no easy answer. There is only one answer as a matter of fact. If you truly want the will of God in your life, if you really seek to follow His lead, you have one choice. Ask anyway. Ask Him and then wait for the answer. Not the answer you want. Not the one that suits what you think. Not even the one you might like. His answer. And when you get it, you follow it. You listen. You submit. And you obey. Yea.... I know thats probably not what you wanted to hear. And if I’m honest its not what I wanted to hear either. It’s a hard reality (no pun intended) that we straight up just need to ask Him. And yes, it might not end up matching the dreams we’ve made up for ourselves. Yes, God might ask you to do something, give up something, or change something that you really don’t want to. Or he could ask something of you that absolutely terrifies you. That’s the risk. The cost. But you have to to ask.

Here’s the thing..... what feels like a cost to you, isn’t really a payment or a loss. Let me explain.

At this point, as avid believers we know God always has the best intentions for us. I think we can all agree His ways are good and every plan He makes for us is for our benefit. If you don’t know that, I’m telling you now, its true. So, if He gives you an answer that costs you something, it’s not costing something you can’t afford to lose or change. It might feel like it. But the fact is, its not. We get uncomfortable because we want things our way. We want them easy. And we want them effortless. That’s our nature. We have patterns and ways of living and coping that we’ve developed along the way to get us through life. But some of those things aren’t from God. Some of them were given to us from the enemy. Or maybe from pain. And even though its not from God, we’ve become comfortable with them. They feel safe. So when God asks something of us that’s outside of that comfort zone, we feel like we’re losing something. Like its a cost. It feels unsafe. But what we’re really paying is a loss of what isn’t supposed to be there in the first place. It’s a shedding of bad habits, bad coping, and wrong thinking. It’s giving up people, situations, sometimes even places not meant for us, not serving us. Choosing to listen to our answer feels like it’s going against our nature. And at the moment, it is. But what if our nature is wrong? Wouldn’t Gods ways be better?

The easy answer is yes. We know that. But actually listening, obeying.... that’s the hard part. And trust me, I get it. God has asked me to do things that terrified me. He’s asked me to give things up that felt like I’d never survive without them. He’s had me quit jobs, leave behind relationships, and do things that I wasn’t happy about at the moment. And that sucked. I cried a lot. I fought my answers. I tried at times to do it my way anyway, to fulfill the dream. And every single time I came back to the same place, His ways are better. His plans are better. And I should have just listened to Him. What I ended up doing was dragging myself through a longer process and more hardship because I fought His answer. I made things way more complicated for myself than I should have. And sometimes I caused myself more damage. If I’d have just listened the first time, if I’d just obeyed and faced what scared me, it would have been much easier on me. (I like to make it complicated apparently. And like to learn the hard way. Why am I like this?) It might have ended up less painful. And I definitely would have gotten where I needed to be much sooner.

So my fellow dreamers, my fantasy loving escapists, ask God the question. Let go of the fear that lies to you. Let go of the what ifs and the bad dreams that come. Let go of control and just ask. Free fall into the words God gives you. You might not like the answer. I can’t promise you will. And it might hurt at first to obey. But if you’re willing to trust God, if you’re willing to let Him lead you, you will love the outcome. You will end up with bigger and better than you could possibly imagine on your own. Because that’s who God is. He’s the creator of our dreams. And He Himself is the ultimate creator of our reality. His ideas, plans, and answers are always for our greatest good. I can promise you, from experience and lots of error, that this is true. You may not like every moment of this process, but you won’t regret it. And what it costs you, will be worth every penny you pay. Because in the end you’ll end up exactly where you’re meant to be, living the right dreams, as exactly who you’re supposed to be.