Purity is Sexy

Ive been a Christian all my life. Though for most of my life I didn’t walk a thing out with God. I wanted to do things my way and I had no intention of letting anyone or anything stop me. When it came to things like sex I was always told the same thing by believers, “Don’t have sex until marriage.” Which was sound advice..... that I chose to ignore. I brushed it off as another rule I didn’t care to follow and did what I wanted anyway. I honestly couldn’t fathom the idea of attempting to spend my life with someone if I didn’t know how sexually compatible we were. Sound about right? Yea, I think a lot of us feel that way and in our current culture, it makes sense. The devil is good at making bad ideas make sense. But the truth is, its backwards thinking and its destroying us. The thing about that sound advice is no one told me why I should wait. No one took the time to explain to me what would happen if I chose to have sex outside of marriage. Maybe they didn’t understand why God said it. Or maybe they were just too uncomfortable to explain. But the fact is a lot of believers who love God are misled here because they don’t know why they should wait. The church has failed to give us a solid foundation of biblical truth to stand on in this area. And people are dying because of it.

So, we’re going to talk about sex.

Don’t freak out. I promise its going to be ok. What I cannot promise is that you’ll like what I have to say. I’m not going to sugar coat it, tip toe around it, or say things to make you feel better. You might get convicted. You might have to fight shame. You might very well end up in ministry or counseling because of what sex has done to your life. But I’m going to be very honest and very real in this topic. It’s important that we get some understanding and revelation about sex. You might be uncomfortable, and I get it. But put your squeamish stuff aside, take a deep breath, and let the Lord tell you what He has to say on it. If we don’t educate ourselves on what God says about sex then the world will happily offer up its definition. And let me tell you now, the world has it wrong. So very wrong.

I’m going to start with a very important thing to remember, God made sex. It was His idea. He made it to be enjoyed and we’re supposed to like it. I can’t stand this religious notion that we’re supposed to feel bad for liking sex or for wanting to have sex. That’s ridiculous. It causes unnecessary shame and shame is not Jesus. Sex was made to be something wonderful that we want to do. And there is no shame in that fact. So before you start wanting to get upset about your desires there, just go ahead and let that go right now. There is no shame in enjoying sex or wanting to have sex. 1 Corinthians 7:2 says, “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” God made it, knew we’d like it, knew we’d want it, so He tells us to take a spouse so that desire isn’t corrupted into immortality. ITS NOT WRONG TO LIKE SEX.

Got it? Ok good. Now lets move on.

So in order to understand the dangers of sex outside of marriage we should start by understanding what sex was made for. When a couple gets married they aren’t actually married in Gods eyes until they have sex. The paperwork and ceremony isn’t about God, that’s our thing. For God, it’s when they sleep together. Why? Marriage is a covenant. In the Old Testament a covenant was sealed by blood shed. So in a marriage the first time having sex would break the hymen and cause blood shed. Therefore sealing the covenant and making them one in the eyes of the Lord. Sex is the covenant action that makes us one in union. (Mark 10:8 and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.) So, when we have sex even without our natural marriage, that still means we’re married in Gods eyes. And some of us to multiple people.

So, what is wrong is sex outside of marriage? It’s not about control or rules. God tells us this is wrong to protect us. Sex is a powerful thing that has a significant impact on us spiritually. When we come together with another person we are being intimate with them in the greatest way possible because we become one with that person. Our spirits connect and tie together. A soul tie is created. Soul ties come about when we have a spiritual or emotional connection with another person. Sex was made to create a soul tie with your partner so that you become one with each other. You end up feeling as if they’re connected to you in a supernatural way that isn’t explainable. With soul ties you feel things they feel, struggle with things they struggle with, and feel freedoms they feel. You literally connect your souls together. So if they have issues with insecurity, you will too. If they struggle with worth, you will too. (Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.) So, if we tie ourselves to people outside of marriage we end up with baggage we were never meant to carry around. If you have multiple partners, that’s multiple soul ties. And if those people aren’t believers, well, you’re just asking for even more trouble. God intended for us to have one marriage, one sexual partner, one soul tie. Because more is damaging. We end up walking around with multiple people’s damage and struggles. We end up tied to things we didn’t intend to be with pain we didn’t mean to pick up. That was never Gods plan for us!

So the other thing about sex outside of marriage is that the Bible calls it immoral. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Paul literally tells us to flee from it, run as fast as you can away from it. In verse 9 he even goes so far as to tell us that people who commit it wont inherit the kingdom of God! It’s called earthly, flesh, and outright sin. He warns us so urgently about it because he know that with sexual immorality comes more sin. This transgression is often, if not always, accompanied by other sin. Lying to cover ourselves and what we did. It brings betrayals, manipulation, and even unbelief. We end up acting in ways that are counter to our godly nature so that we can continue to chase the high of our late night rondeau. Or we ignore our responsibilities in order to get back to the bedroom. We’re all adults, lets be honest, we’ve all done it. And all that ends up happening is us piling one sin on top of the other and then justifying it. And if that partner (or partners) aren’t your spouse, and they leave, well now you’re spiritually tied to someone you sinned for and you’re left broken.

The bottom line is we were made for this relationship. God intended for us to have a sexual partner. And while culture tells us to have sex with whoever we want, God says to stay with your one person. Your spouse. And here’s what i’ve learned from those i know that have waited. Apparently the sex is better. I’m told that something is different about that union that’s blessed by God in such a way we can’t understand. And because of that, it’s literally better. Not only that there is blessing in doing things Gods way. When we honor ourselves, when we show ourselves the respect God calls us to, we’re honoring God. We are not our own when were saved, we belong to God and Jesus now lives in us. To honor our own bodies, is to honor God. To choose Him over our own desires is to show Him that He is more important than what our flesh wants. And time after time scripture shows us that God finds favor for those that honor Him. He blesses them differently and pours out His spirit in a different way. So when we choose to have sex before marriage, we actually rob ourselves of a blessing God has specifically for us. Not just in the bedroom, but in the waiting. We grow in waiting. We learn and lean on God in a different way in our waiting. There is literally blessing in all of it up until, and after, the actual wedding night. And sure, God is good so He has grace for us if we make a mistake, and He will still bless us. But if we have a chance to do it in such a way that we get the more..... isn’t that worth it? I think so.

I never thought I’d be someone preaching to you about waiting until marriage. Believe me, if you knew me even 5 years ago, you’d be surprised to find me writing these words. But that’s the power of God. The way He loves us changes things we don’t expect and we end up with changed desires. I’ve stayed abstinent for some time now, and I’ll be honest, that wasn’t always easy. I like sex just like everyone else. And some days I had to really pray hard for God to help curb my fleshly desires. But what i have found in this time of waiting is that God shows up to calm our flesh in ways we can only experience if we give Him opportunity. I grew closer to God in this time because I chose to hand my sexuality to Him and let Him have the say. I’ve been blessed because of that. And my desire to wait until marriage isn’t a daunting one as i always imagined it would be. God has helped change my heart so that i seek His will, even in sex, more than what i want. And i know that because God is so good, because He wants to bless me, there is tremendous joy and a beautiful gift that waits for me when i actually do get to have sex again. I mean, God created sex, so if i wait for what He has, i can only imagine how good that’ll be!

Maybe you’re still wondering how you can spend your life with someone if you don’t know what sex is like with them. Let me just address that head on. YOU WERE NEVER SUPPOSED TO KNOW. God intended for us to have one marriage and one sexual partner. Two virgins, clueless, and having no idea what to do. That’s how He set it up. He knew that you’d be confused, probably embarrassed, and absolutely lost on what you like or what to do. And maybe you’re asking, “what if they don’t do what I like?” Well, have you considered that what you “like” is perverted by a sexual situation you were never supposed to engage in in the first place? That maybe what you like, isn’t what you really like? The thing is, when you do this Gods way, you learn together! You learn each other with time. And because its done on Gods time, what you like wont come from a perverted, twisted mindset. It’ll stem from love, respect, and honor and you’ll be able to please each other as you go. And i don’t know about you, but that sex sounds way better than some cheap moment of trying to make someone else happy as the world says we should.

So look, i don’t want you to let shame come if you’ve already had sex outside of marriage. We all do things we wish we hadn’t and we all have something we wish we could change. The amazing thing about God is that we can repent! We can turn away from what we’ve done and change. If you’re someone who made that mistake you’re in luck because our God is so good that when we say were sorry and we turn, He literally forgets we ever did what we’re repenting for. It’s gone from His mind as if it never happened and you get the beautiful opportunity to start over. If we’re willing to put our sexuality in His hands and let Him make the calls, we can make it to marriage without mistakes. We can walk that out with peace and we can gather blessings along the way in our waiting. It’s possible. Believe me, if i can do it, so can you! So i pray for all of you that you lay your desires, your flesh, and your sex life in the hands of God. He’s not shy, and He truly wants to help us even in that. I pray you trust Him to carry you through the rough days, to guide you to healing where sex may have hurt you, and to redeem your purity. There’s a wonderful gift waiting for you in that place. And it’s in your reach. Just trust the Lord. And pray, a lot lol