Identity Crisis

Where is your identity coming from? Is in in your job? Is it in your kids? Your spouse or partner? Is in in how clean your house is or how nice your car is? How about your bank account? Is it who you hang out with or who knows your name?

Our world is in an identity crisis. We look to people and things to tell us who we are. And we find our value in what we have or who likes us. But at the end of the day all of that stuff fades. People fail us, they’re only human. Things break. Money gets spent. None of the labels and titles we give ourselves make us who we are. And yet we look to all of that to create an identity and give us a sense of worth. But what happens when all that goes away? When our kids grow up and move out? When we retire and no longer have the titles? When the cars get old and aren’t shiny and impressive anymore? What then? Then we’re empty, lost, and feel broken. Why? Because that stuff told us who we are. And falsely so! Because that stuff is monetary and wont last.

For a long time I found my identity in the person I was with. My man gave me identity. If he told me I was beautiful, I was. If he told me I wasn’t, I believed that too. If he said I had value or was important, I was. But God forbid he changed his mind. I was his (insert any man I dated here) and that was my identity. Someone’s girl. So, when those relationships ended, I was lost. I felt empty and worthless. I had no idea who I was on my own without someone attached to my name. Without someone to save, take care of, or tell me I had value, I was nothing. My identity being wrapped up in a man meant that on my own I thought I was failing. It meant that I couldn’t stay alone for long because I needed someone to tell me who I was. I needed a man attached to my name to make my name anything of worth. Even if they themselves were worthless, I belonged to someone, and that told me I meant something.

It was about 4 years ago that I came back to God. And when I did He immediately started telling me things about who I was. Lots of words came attached to what He said. He called me worthy, beautiful, smart, loved..... all these amazing adjectives came flowing at me filling me up with confidence and worth. But the thing that hit my heart the hardest was one simple phrase, “you are mine.” As a woman who searched the hearts of men for identity, this was profound. I belonged to, was loved by, and was attached to the name of all names. The king of the universe wanted to call me His. Suddenly I realized all this time what I had looked for in men, was only something I could find in God. My identity was so much more simple than I had allowed it to be. I was, and am, a kings kid. And just like that I was changed. Just like that the words of men fell short of good enough. Just like that I had identity that would last beyond some earthy relationship or possession. An identity no one could take from me. An unshakable identity rooted in an everlasting God. So when I became single a couple years ago, I didn’t need to search for a new person. Don’t get me wrong, I missed having someone in my life. But that part of me that needed a man to know who I was, was gone. Being alone wasn’t scary or empty anymore. I had planted myself in the knowledge that I belonged to Jesus. My name didn’t need to be attached to another man to have value. Because I was already attached to the one who created it all. I was already loved, wanted, and adored by my God.

As I’ve walked out this new understanding of my identity in God, He has worked to take layers of who I was off of me. At one point I really believed that if I didn’t have a good career, a nice car, and a nice house that I didn’t have value. I was told all my life how important an education was and that without it I wasn’t going to be anything in this world. That was a layer of my identity that had to come off.

I am a worship singer and have sang my whole life. So when a day came that I couldn’t sing because of a cold, I found my heart broken. I wanted to cry and lets be honest, I did. But why? Because without my ability to sing I was stripped of something that I believed made me who I am. I couldn’t perform for love or adoration, even for God. And I felt worthless. But if my identity is in God, why would that make me feel worthless? Another layer that God had to remove.

And so it went. I had to be broken by God. Piece by piece, layer by layer. Stripped of everything that I put my identity in. I had to be broken to bare bones so that all I had left was God. It sounds mean. And at times, I’ll be honest, it felt mean. But in order for me to really reach for His robe in submission, in order for me to truly grasp the identity God had for me, everything else had to go. It hurt. And some of it was scary. I felt lost sometimes because everything I knew was changing. Everything was uncomfortable and I had no idea how to deal with it some days. But at the end of all that, I emerged a new woman. Freshly clothed with an identity that would endure any trial. I was and am, His daughter. I learned that no matter what my house looked like, what kind of job I did, how much money I had, or even who loved me (or didn’t love me), I had value. I had worth. I had been spoken for, marked, and chosen. My identity was grown and rooted by my breaking. And I was forever changed.

So ask yourself, what defines you. Where is your identity? If anything other than God comes to mind, then ask the Lord to shake that from you because its a lie. Letting God be your identity will change your life for the better so that when adversity comes, because it will, you wont be lost in the wind. You wont be shaken or feel lost. You’ll know, without question, you too are a kings kid.

1 Peter 2 NIV

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.